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Archive for April, 2013

Invisible String

Dear Jakey,

I can’t believe months have passed since I have written you. It is not for lack of wanting to, in fact I am not really sure what the issue was. I guess for a while I was so mad that this was our only way left to chat. I much prefered writing to you when you were sitting hear me or resting your head on my lap. And while these letters used to make me feel closer to you, they ended up for a while making you feel so far away. But what I have learned is that the alternative is worse. I still need you so very much in my life and without these letters I have begun to feel a little unhinged. It is like that book we were given when you died and Ethan and I used to read it a lot called The Invisible String. These letters are like our invisible string. So I am back.

Today is our 3rd Annual Family Fundraiser. It is always such a mixed up day. I find myself so excited but so very sad. It is like our annual birthday party for you but without the guest of honor. And I just want it to be perfect because it is all I really have now. So I obsess over whatever weird thing I am focusing on and my friends put up with me even if they think I am nuts and roll their eyes behind me. I’ve never seen it but I am sure it happens Jakey! And I secretly wish we weren’t doing any of it because I just want to hang out with you.

I woke up this morning thinking about the day you were born. Maybe it is because Spunky isn’t here and she’s had some contractions so I have babies on the mind. Or maybe it is because it was such a great day. And I can’t believe it was almost 7 years ago. On Saturday, you will be 7 and I don’t know how to wrap my head around that.

And lastly, Jake I brought a friend over to meet you last week. You never met her when you were here on Earth but I think you would really have liked her. She’s got the crazy in her, just like your momma. And I think that you approve because I’ve heard you’ve been showing up over there. I just wish she knew you when you were here.

Stay close today, my lovebug. I miss you more than you can ever imagine.

Love,

Mommy

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